There are many reasons why young women find themselves trapped
in abusive relationships. I have narrowed them down to three:
Everyone else is in an
unhealthy relationship, so abusive relationships seem normal.
I hate to sound like a parent when I say that teens aren’t experienced
when it comes to relationships and that almighty L-Word, love. However, I am able to say this with merit because I
was in an abusive relationship. We learn what is acceptable and unacceptable by experience. In other words, we live and learn.
Have you ever wondered why it is so easy to “cut off” a friend who
has betrayed your trust? The answer is because you have had many more years experience in the field of friendship. You have
been developing friendships since pre-school or kindergarten, and you have learned the differences of a good friend versus
a bad friend.
Now what experience do you have with dating? Not much. And again, I don’t
mean to be the parent, but your friends haven’t had much experience either, so if you are getting advice from them,
or looking at their relationships, you are probably not receiving an accurate picture of what a healthy relationship looks
like. A healthy relationship is one where both partners are able to:
Be respected, mind, body, and soul.
Have opinions and ideas and express them without fear
of being ridiculed by the other.
Have needs and know that they are just as important
as the needs of their partner.
Live without fear, verbal, emotional, sexual, and
physical abuse at all times.
Spend time with friends and family without being pressured
by their partner’s jealousy or insecurities.
Have disagreements that do not result in violence
or hurtful exchange of words.
Female competition causes young women to put up with unhealthy
Why is it that when a female walks into a room, she is immediately sized up
by the other females in the room? Have you ever looked at a female and felt a sense of competition? “Her hair is too
long,” or “I look better than she does because I’m thinner than she is,” or “She thinks she’s
cute!” Isn’t it funny that all of these thoughts go through our heads, and we may not even know the female?
You would be surprised at the number of teens that tell me they stay with an
abusive partner because “all of the other girls want him, and I’ve got him!” Truthfully…when I look
back on my relationship, this is one of the reasons why I stayed.
Another word for self-confidence is self-value. The message behind self-value
is this: what you value, you take care of. You don’t allow people to destroy the things you value. If a young woman
has a lack of self-confidence or self-value, then it is easy to see why someone who makes them feel pretty would have so much
power and influence in their life.
It is easy to see why a young woman with little to no self-esteem would be easy
prey for an abusive boyfriend as I was.
Once you have finished reading this book, my goal is that you will understand that your
past does not define your future. You may have legitimate reasons for having a low self-esteem. Things may have happened in
your childhood as they did in mine; people may have told you that you wouldn’t amount to anything or that you were worthless,
but know that you do not have to be a victim for the rest of your life…this is not your destiny. You were born for greatness.
You were born to achieve and triumph…to be a conqueror.
By reading this book you have taken the first step of conquering your situation, you have
chosen to educate yourself.
Let me be the first to say, “YOU GO GIRL!”